Foodpiphanies

I was out the other night and was talking about how I used to be a vegetarian. I was with a woman who doesn't eat beef unless it was "Happy Beef". Her words, not mine. Since she can't guarantee that most of the beef she encounters is happy she doesn't eat it often.

Which reminded me of the years I was vegetarian and how I became a non-vegetarian.

I had a talk with a whole dead chicken.

Bear with me. I get funny looks from people when I tell this story. I was told not to share this story once by my ex because it makes me look like a freak. But I think you'll understand me and not think I'm freakish. I've told the story many times since then with a little less sincerity in my voice and a side of self deprecation, so it tends to go over better these days. Or I could just not be caring if I look like a freak, or I could be hanging out with cooler people these days.

You are cooler people.

So I had made the choice to eat meat again. Mostly because there were a bunch of world experiences that were being limited to me by this one choice. I'd go to fun restaurants full of fantastic offerings and scour the menu looking for the one non-meat thing on it I could enjoy. Often times it wasn't enjoyable and I felt like meh, I want more choices.

Then I also felt my not eating meat didn't cause the least bit of difference in the meat packing industry. They didn't get my memo, or if they did, they certainly weren't going to change their processes based on my personal protest. (Spare me the one person at a time creates change thing, I get it. I was looking for excuses to eat meat.) Also, my weight and health wasn't improved by the meatless choice; french fries and chocolate shakes are indeed vegetarian.

So, I thought if I'm going to eat meat, the least I could do is be mindful that I'm eating an animal that had lived and breathed and had feelings. I'm not going to go into animal feelings because unlike my friend I don't think any animals going to slaughter are happy, be it beef or chicken or shrimp. But the point is they are sentient beings. Eating them is okay, but don't sanitize the process and I don't think that beef is red matter in an plastic covered Styrofoam board and that chicken is boneless.

And the story continues.

I held a chicken up, which had been processed, with no feathers or head but a whole chicken by grocery store standards and talked to it. This is where people get freaked out. I was like, "You, oh little chicken represent all the animals that come after you, I know you walked around, had your chicken life and are here now to be my food. I know you were more than a meal* for me. Thanks for your service to my well being." I then put it in pan, covered it olive oil, kosher salt, and herbs and roasted it.

*A whole chicken can be upto 6 or 8 meals depending on what you do with it, I can't help myself.

This happened a decade or more ago, so what's the relevance now you ask?

Well, you see I've been meditating on why food is comfort for me. I mean I know why, but like what is the purpose of having it comfort me. The whys are covered in a yucky childhood. But looking at the purpose of the comfort is big.

You know, I run back to food when I get out of sorts which does something that keeps me from achieving my next level. It keeps me safe from having to process something new that is scary.

There's the foodpiphany, well and here's the connection to the chicken.

If I can thank the chicken for its and all of future chickendom's support for my future well being, can I do the opposite with say "not growing food", which is the how we delineate food for the kiddo, which is not beneficial to one's growing.

Can I have a chat with sugar and butter and tell them that I appreciate the role they played in giving me comfort when it wasn't coming forthwith in my formative years? Can I thank them for their company when I was lonely and sad? Can I ask them to let me go, so I can experience the new stuff out there without having fall back into their embrace? I can.

So I did that.

While talking with S&B I said, "I have the tools to deal with scary and new, you've been sweet, but it's time I do what needs to be done without your support." Then I thought whoa, do you really have the tools?

Is that the truth? So while I'm sitting there a new question popped up, "what are those tools, when, and how are you going to use them?"

I have a list. I'm working on it. I'll be meditating on dealing with scary with other resources, which will be showing up soon. But yeah, I think I'm about ready to say goodbye to my old friends. I've loved them well, as they've held my hand, they've also held me back. I think we need to part ways.