Talking Stuff as in Junk

Photo by:Laughlin

Have I said this before?

1. You are what you say you are. If you say you're smart, people will find you to be smart. It's a cool way to manifest your own reputation. I suppose you can't go around calling yourself a super smarty pants all the time then do idiotic things because then you'll look like you're not very self aware or you've got a bad grasp of meaning of smart, but the point is people will believe about you what you say about you.

2. "I'm a mess" or "I'm the worst friend ever!" things like that which are not so subtle ways of taking the pressure off yourself for your own perceived short comings also will get you a handy label. A very adept dude I know, someone whom I look up to, calls himself a mess regularly. Sad really. I'm wondering if I shouldn't be looking up to him. Like where's this mess hiding? If I get closer will I be called in to clean it up?

The worst friend ever comment really lodged itself deeply with me. I was nudging a friend for a little conversation and she was sending all the signals that her life was a bit hectic at the time, so I backed off and got my nudging on with other people. When her work load and life hassles lessened she showed up saying things, "I'm sure you think I'm ignoring you" along with the "worst" thing. It gave me pause and I thought, "No, I thought you were busy. It hadn't even occurred to me that you'd ignore me on purpose. You ignore people on purpose? That's pretty stinky. That's something a worst friend might do. You are a person who ignores her friends and doesn't even know the value of friendship! Whatever have I been thinking? Out with you!"

Then I got my real voice in my head the one that's been tempered by actually knowing this woman and knowing she'll say those kinds of things and hope for a filter. I filtered. I love her to this day. But it's a drag to have to filter. And I'm doubting the value of the messy man. They would do all of a favor if it stopped. And who knows how many people have been alienated by that negative language?

3. Then there's this positive transference thing too. Say something good about somebody to a third person and they'll put those attributes on to you. Like to Mary, "Brenda is so generous and creative." Mary will think you are a generous and creative person too. It's weird and there's science behind it. If I were the kind of blogger that actually kept notes while they read I'd have a link for you. Someday, someday.

But the point is:

Use this stuff to better situate yourself in the world. 1. Define who you are or want to be and act that way. Tell people you're all that too. 2. Don't do yourself any misfavors by talking junk about yourself. Enough people want to drag you down, you need not add to it. 3. Say something nice about other people. If the transference thing doesn't motivate you, think of it as good karma. Kind words will get you some kind words.

And whoa Nelly. That's all advicey. Game on.