Just being me

I've got a rare moment to breath. I want to send a loud thank you out to my former MIL. She called and asked for a date with her grand daughter. I had a paper to write so low and behold, daughter is with Memaw, swimming no less, my paper is written, my upcoming week is planned out and I'm sitting happily in coffee shop waiting for the drop off.

I've got to get caught up on my rss reads too.

Now is the balancing act between taking a moment and relaxing and taming the internal drive to find something new to do.

This morning I told my GF I need to find ways to be more productive because I wasn't achieving as much as I wanted to and I'm spending far too much time and energy berating myself for operating suboptimally. (I really said those words.)

She proposed that I lower my standards. Gasp!

But you know it's really that simple. I don't need to be producing something, learning something, improving something, or be deeply engaged in something all the time, everyday. I don't need to measure the quality of my sleep when my brain is turned off. I'm pretty tightly wound. Let me illustrate, so I can prove I can laugh at myself at the same time.

I'm taking up yoga. In part because it's healthy. It's also something one should do. I'm bored with my other body work, exercising and strength training. Also, I'm going to have MASSIVE plastic surgery in a few months to remove the loose skin that drapes my body. (There's a later post about that to come). I, being the planner and uber performer think that yoga post surgery, when I can't hit the gym hard, will help me heal more optimally. I question my own motivation.

"Optimally" is a word I use all the time in MBA papers. I wonder if it begin to grate my nerves like utilize. Just freakin use "use". "We can utilize the system blah, blah, blah"...I don't think you are smarter.

Back to me, I suppose I can just be.

Or so I'm told.

Just be, I'll try that for a few hours. I'm sure something will creep up and make me want to do.